Marriage In The Singular Sense
When Love Seems To Fail...

What is it about love that can destroy a relationship? Are there that many responsibilities involved with love that it destroys it from the roots? Or have we just become a society that so easily says "I love you" without thinking about the consequences, without thinking about the minute details that always seem to surface when we least expect them?
Love seems to have become a catch-phrase in a society that's become increasingly reliant on "out clauses"... that little parachute that subconsciously diminishes the vows of longevity and commitment in a relationship, allowing one to bail at the first sign of trouble. When did we, as a Christian-value nation become so complacent about love and relationships that we've given credence to Shakespeare's adage, "In love with the idea of being in love...?"
I woke up this morning thinking about my recent divorce after 6 years of marriage... a marriage I knew was over a long time ago, but one I hung on to out of some morally-inspired sense of chivalrous upbringing. I had long ago come to grips with the fact that maybe we had made a mistake taking vows with good intentions, perilously embarking on the proverbial "paved road to relational hell."
But I began to wonder how our values had changed so drastically that sacrifice and commitment in the face of matrimony were now a singular proposition, something we deal with separately rather than as a couple. Has the "Me" generation of a society hung up on style and glamour permeated the institution of marriage as well. Have the days of "Golden Anniversary" announcements in the newspaper fallen by the roadside?
Over the past several months I've tried to convince myself that maybe I'm best on my own... maybe I'm just too hard to live with in light of my so-called "stubborn, cantankerous and incorrigible ways." Should I really give up hope that at nearly 50, I'm not going to find love in the way my parents and their generation did? Is there any need to retain the fact that in 12 years I need to buy my wife something made from silk or linen? And I have no idea why I know that...
If I were to be honest with myself I think I would find that my marriages failed not necessarily because we just weren't compatible together, but rather I'm just not compatible with myself... that until I find the person I really am, the person I believe in and can love unconditionally, without reservation, I'm not capable of loving anyone else in the sense of a lifelong commitment.
I believe earnestly in so many of the principles and philosophies of the Bible whether I believe in the writings as a whole. And certainly the most distinguished among them is the writing of Paul in his missive to the church at Corinth:

"Love is patient and is kind; love doesn't envy. Love doesn't brag, is not proud, doesn't behave itself inappropriately, doesn't seek its own way, is not provoked, takes no account of evil...
"[Love] doesn't rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things...
"Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will be done away with. Where there are various languages, they will cease. Where there is knowledge, it will be done away with. For we know in part, and we prophesy in part. But when that which is complete has come, then that which is partial will be done away with....
"When I was a child, I spoke as a child, I felt as a child, I thought as a child. Now that I have become a man, I have put away childish things...
"For now we see in a mirror, dimly, but then face to face. Now I know in part, but then I will know fully, even as I was also fully known....
"But now faith, hope, and love remain--these three... And the greatest of these is love."

When did I lose sight of this? When did I forget that it's OK to love myself with all my faults and shortcomings? How did I forget that I'm not perfect and that I am only me with all that that pronouncement entails? Was there ever a time when I was truly capable of loving someone without fear? With an abandonment and sense of fulfillment that this person cares about me as much as I they, and I deserve that? But I woke up this morning and realized I just couldn't shake the doubt and the question that has been searing my mind...

"When did I forget how to love...?"